"Just tell nobody that youare anything less than a real girl, OK?" Be your girl?" she asked. It was not intended to sound like a proposal.She was trying to understand what was going on.She seemed so young that he stopped himself. It was a moment ofconscience that needed to be suppressed. It was unfamiliar to him. Heseemed to be behaving out of character ... to be saying things that heould not normally say. He said, "That's right." But he added, "Ifthat's what you want."Iggy Harper made love to his Tina that night. He realized that he hadfucked a lot of women, and maybe even a tranny or two, but he had neverreally made love until that night. She was a virgin but he was gentle.Perhaps more gentle that he had ever been with a woman. She seemed tocry out to be treated like that. She was misunderstood, maybe evenabused. In his hands she would know that even the roughest brute couldbe tender.When the sun rose, she was lying beside him with her soft thin arm drapedacross his. Laughing with relief. I'd prepared myself for the worst. I had myself convinced that you were going to tell me you'd taken to beating your wife to a pulp or robbing banks or something, and that you'd come to church in a last-ditch effort to save your soul. Really. Truly. It sounds to me like what you went through is the same kind of loss of direction everybody goes through when a marriage comes apart."Mortification slowed its pace and relief edged forward."So, if you didn't come to church out of desperation, what did get you there?"Heartened by Peg's acceptance of what I was saying, I continued. "At the same time that I admitted my split personality to myself, I realized that my study, which had for years been my place of refuge from the world, a pleasurable place for me to be, had become a cell of fear into which I'd locked myself. Then I tried to remember what weekends used to be like, what normal people did on Saturdays and Sundays, and I wondered what I'd do with my weekends if I.
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